Step/Week 1, Day 7 – Denial and Powerlessness: Personal Testimony
May 6, 2020 353
“The only way out [of the grip of sin and denial] is through faith in Jesus Christ; the way of escape is open to all who believe him” (Gal. 3:21-22, TLB).
Everything looked good on the outside. I had a good career, married with two beautiful kids living in an affluent society. The only thing missing was the white picket fence. It cost a lot of time, money and energy to keep up that elaborate façade, believe you me. Behind the wall of my denial there was a raging porn and sex addiction, a spending habit set to bankrupt me and a big bunch of other addictions that I am still coming to terms with. It’s quite literally: a living hell, of my own making.
I used to think that everything would work out if two things happened:
- Everyone in my life had to change for me to be happy.
- A major lottery win would solve my financial problems, forever.
It was everyone else fault and I was playing the “blame game”. But you know what: “When you blame you become lame”. And being lame won’t cut it with God. That’s not how He wants you to live.
My happiness was linked to some fantasy future event that would bring me instant joy and serenity. It was not until I had completely lost my identity and contemplated my own end that God took over. As an atheist, the God I denied showed me a way out. I realised that I had been in denial all of my life and at the eleventh hour, He intervened to set me on the right path—a path that led to Him and to the Remedy for all my maladies. Before my world could change first, I had to change. God knew that, I just took a lot longer to work that out. I needed to let go of the reigns of my life and give full control to God. It was the only way.
Faith in Jesus is central to your recovery. Believing in who He is and what He wants to do for you is pivotal in realising He holds the key that can release you from your denial and ultimately, to freedom from your addictions. You know, God never wastes a hurt, ever.
– Graham Hood
Prayer: Beautiful loving and patient Father God. Thank You for offering me the Remedy for my sins and addictions in Your Son, Jesus. Thank You that You sent Him to demonstrate a love that casts out all fear. Thank You that He showed me such love in His death that said I was worth the effort. May I always turn to the Cross from where that example drew blood. In Jesus’ name. Amen.